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july 7, 2021

 It's been a while since I wrote something on here. To be honest, it's getting bad again. Visiting my dad was hell. Absolute hell. Tired of my dad acting like he's a good dad because he pays for everything but I next to never see him. Tired of my stepmom talking shit about me behind my back. Tired of my older siblings being every phobia in the book. My little brother is just annoying. Florida is gross and sticky and full of idiots; I never wanna go back. But I'm home and I still have an overwhelming feeling of dread. I know it's the anxiety, but what am I anxious about? - kai I guess I never wrote out on here this yet, but Jaden and I are long since over. And there's this new boy. He means the absolute world to me. Everything that I could ever want in a guy, he is the embodiment. But I just can't help but feel like he doesn't want me. I'm so in love with this boy and I'm afraid to even tell him that for the fear that he doesn't feel the same.
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may 12, 2021

 hi it's me again. it's currently 12:30 am. today was... rough. had some words said to me and they hurt more than i thought they would. i guess i've been more insecure than i've realized lately. at the very least, i had some really deep and validating conversations with friends which made me feel better. i'm so lucky to have such good friends. anywas, i skipped a reading the other day but i really want to get into the habit of doing it nightly! here goes :) 1st card - five of swords (upright) from my understanding, this card is about conflict, disagreement, defeat, and the strive to win. i resonate deeply with this card today seeing as i got into a fight with my mother. she had made a comment on my eyeliner and it caught me very off guard. it was hurtful and it felt like we didn't understand each other; we were just butting heads. eventually though after venting to my friends and talking it out with her, we made amends. i think what i need to take from this is t
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may 9, 2021

 this is my first blog post :3 i thought i would document things such as my daily tarot self readings, my experiences, and my dreams ! as i'm writing this, it's 9:01 pm and i'm not sure whether or not doing my tarot readings are more efficient at night or in the morning... but i'm doing one tonight anyways :p 1st card - the hanged man (upright) from my understanding, this card means letting go of old habits and transformation. i think the way i would apply this to my life is in the way that i have been going through a bit of an identity crisis. i'm having trouble figuring out who i am and who i want to be. as of right now, i'm finding myself expressing that search through fashion ! lately, i have been getting into more goth/fairy aesthetics rather than my streetwear. i think it fits my vibe a little more, however, i'm scared of outside judgement. i don't want to be thought of as a degenerate because i'll express myself more alternatively. i'm not
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